I know I write about this a lot, but this is what I do. It’s how my head works. It can’t let things go if there isn’t a satisfactory answer. I NEED answers in my life. If HWSNBN had ended it properly – by saying *anything*, however hurtful – I’d have just licked my wounds and moved on. But not knowing things – well, that drives me totally insane. Why? WHY? WHHHHHHYYYYYYY did you leave me? (Yes. I know. Because I’m fucking mental. Moving on…)
So I’m going to stuff this post full of the following keywords: Anal sex. Single mum. Depression. And I’ve created a new anal sex category and tagged nicely and everything.
And if you land here because you’ve used any of these keywords, you have to leave a comment and tell me why.
I’m not joking.
First, I really, really, REALLY need to know why so many of you are searching for ‘anal sex single mum’. I want you to tell me – explicitly if you like, I need to get my thrills where I can these days – exactly what you are looking for when you type ‘anal sex single mum’. Pictures? Single mothers offering their back passages for some action?
AND WHY SINGLE MUMS? What is it about anal sex and single motherhood, specifically, that you want to know? Is it because you think we’ll be more willing? Less up for it? I won’t judge you. Promise. I’ve done some kinky shit in my time, and I’m not averse to anal sex in the right situation.
It’s not a judgement thing. It’s an ‘if I don’t find out I will actually physically burst’ thing.
Similarly, anal sex and depression. Are you searching because you think anal sex causes depression? Because you think it can relieve depression – do you spunk Citalopram? Do you think it would help to give us something real to moan about – haemorrhoids, for say? What, exactly, is the relationship in your mind between depression and anal sex? Spell it out for me. Link to pictures if you like. I’m not easily offended.
Because while I was once amused by the fact that the vast bulk of my traffic comes from a combination of anal sex, single mother and depression, I am now bewildered beyond the point of comfort.
Please, put me out of my misery. Tell me what it is about anal sex, single motherhood and depression that you are looking for. Heck, if I knew, I could create the kind of content you’re looking for.
And then I could monetise my blog based on the increased traffic and followers I’d get. I could start having sidebar ads for lube and St. John’s Wort and single parent dating sites. I could totally get rich from your fascination with anal sex.
Because honestly, I could do with a break. Read my blog. It’s basically one long catalogue of woe, with one single solitary mention of anal sex that started this whole mindboggling trend. If you read my blog, surely you won’t be able to deny me an answer…
I just want an answer. Thank you.
Reasons I love blogging:
1. This is my diary. It is keeping me sane.
2. The lovely people who comment on my craziness to try and make me feel less crazy are total sweethearts and keep me sane.
3. It is piss funny seeing which search terms are sending people my way…
Are you the person who Googled ‘single mothers and anal sex’ and stumbled across my blog? If so, I have questions for you…
1. Why the ‘single mother’ qualifier? Do you imagine anal sex with a single mother is any different to a regular mother? Should we be more grateful?! More desperate?!
2. Come to that, why the ‘mother’ qualifier? What do you imagine happens to a woman’s anatomy after she’s given birth? I mean, yes, things have changed a bit down there, but thank fuck for small mercies, my arsehole remains as it ever was.
3. Did you find the answers you were looking for within these pages? I suspect not – I’m afraid I can only give lessons in how NOT to do it. Though from what I’m told, my proposed ‘Lube… lube… more lube… come on don’t be stingy LUBE!’ approach to next time is pretty much all you need to know anyway.
This is all.
Addendum for the person who googled ‘Is Matlock Bath good for a first date?’ and landed here – I hope I managed to convince you that yes, it really is, accepting that the car park by the train station featured more heavily in my overview than Matlock Bath itself. It is very, very pretty, ever-so-slightly-seedy and therefore sexy for it and there are a lot of people wandering around in leather. What more could you possibly want from a first date?