New favourite search referralPosted: December 14, 2011
“How to grope through Spanx”
Why would anyone be searching that? WHY? You can’t grope through Spanx. They are an impenetrable, unmolestable fortress. A contraceptive on so very many levels.
Seriously… Why would you be searching for that?
And again, I feel my content is a bit of a let down. I didn’t let The Pirate grope me through Spanx. I evaded his advances like a virginal eel with an elastic band wrapped around its middle, until I could decently go and remove the bastard things in my bathroom. And then extended the foreplay to give the red elastic marks around my ribcage time to fade before I got naked.
That’s how you grope through Spanx. Badly, and with no dignity. Still, a lesson learned. I will never, ever wear control pants again unless I am totally sure no-one else is going to want to remove them.
In other news – I’ve been emailing a man through an online dating site. He asked how I am. I bitched and moaned a bit about my cough, which is threatening to turn me inside out. Told him I was half fearful of coughing up a lung, and half hoping for it, since then I could give it a good clean and a stern talking to.
He replied telling me I’m lucky – he has to keep his chest really warm over the winter months SINCE HE HAD HIS LUNG REMOVED.
And here you have everything’s that wrong with online dating. I have no idea whether he’s taking the piss or not. No idea.