Pushing The Pirate awayPosted: September 1, 2011
I do this a lot. Push him away. It’s a win:win situation as far as I can see.
And if he stays, it is evidence that he really loves me*.
But tonight I really got out the big guns: I confessed my love for The X Factor.
Who knew telephone lines could curl their lips up…?
On our first date, I inadvisedly wore Spanx. I wasn’t expecting to have sex, OK? I’m not that kind of girl… You know the ones that go up to your boobs and down to your knees – the really huge ones? Imagine being enthusiastically groped, nay molested, in a car park while wearing said garment. Imagine all of the contorting I had to do to try and keep his hands away from my mid-section, which was mainly just rolled down flesh-coloured power elastic.
And now imagine us on the sofa at my house, frantically snogging, his hand creeping up my skirt towards my knee and – NO! OUT! SPANX! ARGH!
That didn’t push him away.
The emails accusing him of only wanting me for sex and/or my writing abilities didn’t push him away. Nor did the ones accusing him of still looking for other women online. (Yes. I know. I’m mental.)
But The X Factor? Yeah. That might have done it… I’m good at this pushing away thing, oh yes I am.
*He’s seemingly incapable of love, but you know what I mean…