Jeanius (ha ha ha…)

I am not a fashion or beauty blogger, and have no desire to be. Nor am I a blogger of such stature or following that anyone really listens to what I say or recommend. But I AM a girl, and when we discover a product or garment that is life-changingly amazing, we are hard-wired to tell other girls about it, possibly with squeals and girly handflaps for emphasis. (Though I suppose some girls wouldn’t – they’d keep their discoveries smugly and selfishly to themselves, so no-one else feels the benefit. I am not one of those girls…)

So in this blog entry, rather than self-indulgent angsting about The Pirate, I am going to share my two newest and shiniest life-enhancing things: Levi’s Curve jeans, and L’Occitane Immortelle Divine.

First up, the jeans. I hate shopping for jeans. HATE IT. It is never, ever a satisfying experience. There are so many ways a pair of jeans can let you down – right leg length but wrong denim wash, fits on the hips but gapes at the waist, too much Lycra, not enough Lycra… So when I ripped my favourite skinny jeans on a door handle and discovered that they are no longer available to buy, I felt very depressed indeed. I was going to have to go Jeans Shopping. Ugh. Shoot me.

But happily, I did some online research first and discovered Levi’s Curve. Oh my word. A pair of jeans that takes into account your hip to waist ratio? No more gaping at the waist? Really?!

Yes, really. They are awesome. I went into the Levi’s shop, a lovely lady measured me (you can measure yourself online) and declared me a 32 Bold – the jeans come in waist sizes 25 – 34, each with a different Curve rating. Slight, for boyishly slender or straight-up-and-down types, Demi, for averagely proportioned women, and Bold for women with a very defined waist compared to their hips. I want to say ‘hourglass’ here but that sounds like I’m bigging up my own figure. I could go for ‘binbag tied in the middle’, I guess. More honest. Their website also lists Supreme Curve, but I didn’t see any evidence of those in-store.

Anyway, a 32 Bold I was, but I ended up leaving with two pairs of 32 Demis as, while the Bolds did fit me, they felt a bit restrictive on the waist. Given I spend all day sat on my arse behind a desk (no wonder it’s so fat…), comfort is a big factor in all purchases.

My new jeans are comfortable, flattering, the perfect denim and they FIT. These aren’t the cheapest jeans in the world – my skinnies were £75, my straight legs £80 – but given I wear jeans pretty much every day, I can very easily justify the expense.

I left the shop floating on a cloud of happiness, and immediately called The Pirate to share my glee. He actually did quite a good job of pretending he understood/gave a shit. Nice work.

Levi’s, I salute you.

Next up, L’Occitane Immortelle Divine. I went in to the shop to buy a gift for a friend, and there was a tester pot of the Immortelle Divine face cream by the till, so while I paid, I tried a dab on the back of my hand.

Said hand took on a lovely plump, dewy glow. Which was still there 7 hours later. Hmmm.

I went back this weekend and investigated the range properly, and somehow left the store with the face cream, the eye cream and the serum.  Yes, the prices are absolutely horrific. Obscene. Could feed a family in Africa for 17 years etc etc… But having just been able to clear all of my debt, I now have disposable income. And horrific, spotty, tired, grey, wrinkling skin from the traumas of the last year. I have earned the right to indulgent beauty products, yes? Yes.

And oh my, what beauty products they are. My skin looks amazing, right from the first application. I think the lady said it was something to do with the Myrtle in the products. I don’t know. I wasn’t really listening. I was transfixed by the radiant luminosity of my own face. Vain, moi? Hell yes. My skin has always been one of my finest features. It’s been a real bitch watching it go downhill.

I had a date with The Pirate on Saturday night. I wanted a new outfit to wear but couldn’t find anything I liked in the shops. Good glowy even skin went a long way to making me feel a bit special. And he told me I looked nice! (Second time ever!) I’m putting it down to the L’Occitane to further justify the expense, though the chances of a boy noticing the quality of your skin are pretty much nil I suspect.

So yes. These are the gifts I bestow on any female readers: good denim and good skin. Two basic human rights, I reckon…


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