Never, ever, EVER trust a piratePosted: July 26, 2011
It started as a flirty in-joke between two people who’d just met, been on a great date and had lots of awesome sex. It became a self-fulfilling prophecy.
So the date in question sails – has dreams of conquering all the world’s oceans, in fact. He has longish curly dark hair and big greenish eyes. On our second date, I sat astride him and applied smudgy black eyeliner. Dear Lord. Think Michael Hutchence crossed with Captain Jack Sparrow – be still my beating heart!
And so he became The Pirate. So much so that, after three and a half months of dating, I still have to stop and think if I want to use his actual name. He is, and ever will be, The Pirate.
Unfortunately, this moniker proved remarkably prescient. He doesn’t just look like a pirate. He acts like one too. Unreliable, unpredictable, emotionally unavailable (see previous post) and all the more attractive for it.
Seriously. Why do I do this to myself? I know I’m not the only idiot woman who does this. There are lots of us, mooning and swooning over men that we KNOW are not good enough for us.
Dating The Pirate isn’t fun. As well as the bleeding from my bum bits, there’s the crushing insecurity, the ‘will he or won’t he call?’, the leaping on crumbs of kindness as if they’re manna from heaven and then hating myself for it.
He has only once told me I look nice, and it was so out of character I didn’t believe him. He doesn’t kiss or hold hands in public, which makes me feel like he’s ashamed of being seen with me. Come to that, he doesn’t really kiss or hold hands in private. The night before my Dad’s funeral, we managed to have sex twice without him kissing OR hugging me. Impressive.
Yeah. When I write it down, he’s a real catch… He does have redeeming features. We can talk and talk and talk about anything. He was very supportive practically when my Dad unexpectedly died. He’s full of practical ideas actually, a real problem solver. And I don’t think he’s an emotionally retarded fuckwit on purpose. I don’t think he’s doing it to spite me.
But still. He’s an emotionally retarded fuckwit, and I am a fool.