Never, ever, EVER trust a pirate

It started as a flirty in-joke between two people who’d just met, been on a great date and had lots of awesome sex. It became a self-fulfilling prophecy.

So the date in question sails – has dreams of conquering all the world’s oceans, in fact. He has longish curly dark hair and big greenish eyes. On our second date, I sat astride him and applied smudgy black eyeliner. Dear Lord. Think Michael Hutchence crossed with Captain Jack Sparrow – be still my beating heart!

And so he became The Pirate. So much so that, after three and a half months of dating, I still have to stop and think if I want to use his actual name. He is, and ever will be, The Pirate.

Unfortunately, this moniker proved remarkably prescient. He doesn’t just look like a pirate. He acts like one too. Unreliable, unpredictable, emotionally unavailable (see previous post) and all the more attractive for it.

Seriously. Why do I do this to myself? I know I’m not the only idiot woman who does this. There are lots of us, mooning and swooning over men that we KNOW are not good enough for us.

Dating The Pirate isn’t fun. As well as the bleeding from my bum bits, there’s the crushing insecurity, the ‘will he or won’t he call?’, the leaping on crumbs of kindness as if they’re manna from heaven and then hating myself for it.

He has only once told me I look nice, and it was so out of character I didn’t believe him. He doesn’t kiss or hold hands in public, which makes me feel like he’s ashamed of being seen with me. Come to that, he doesn’t really kiss or hold hands in private. The night before my Dad’s funeral, we managed to have sex twice without him kissing OR hugging me. Impressive.

Yeah. When I write it down, he’s a real catch… He does have redeeming features. We can talk and talk and talk about anything. He was very supportive  practically when my Dad unexpectedly died. He’s full of practical ideas actually, a real problem solver. And I don’t think he’s an emotionally retarded fuckwit on purpose. I don’t think he’s doing it to spite me.

But still. He’s an emotionally retarded fuckwit, and I am a fool.


4 Comments on “Never, ever, EVER trust a pirate”

  1. The T says:

    As a young 40-something living in the Caribbean who has worked hard all his life to live the good life and sail often, i take terrible offense to grouping all pirates together… sure, sure some of us talk a lot of smack, but some pirates live the real life without saying argh…and have a beautiful life in store for the woman who drives our thoughts…

    To me, there is nothing more sexy than a man who understands his pull to the sea yet loves the amazing feel of his girl’s embrace….we are a passionate crowd….I’ve risked my beautiful life in terrible storms….storms and squalls that have made my seasoned crew hide below deck from the fear of actually breathing in the adventure of enjoying the challenge of what it is to feel life coursing through your veins… to know that passion is the same thrill I love when i see an amazing woman….waiting to be held gently…kissed like she’s the first kiss your lips have longed to enjoy…

    Take it easy on the word Pirate… we are more than some scallywag bunch of miscreants… we are passionate about the life and opportunities we are given….sure there are a few of wannabe Pirates out there who steal pillage and plunder…and then we grow up and realize we could have conquered so much more territory by allowing others to enjoy the amazing ride we are given…

    Peer a bit into my blog….it’s not quite as shallow as one might think a pirate to be able to offer… I sail a beautiful catamaran in the British Virgin Islands and the USVI weekly and I find myself all over the Caribbean loving the life I chose long ago… Life is sweet….you should be so lucky as to sail with us…


  2. T, I am clearly hanging with the wrong kind of pirate. An amateur, if you will. Apologies for tarring you all with the same brush. I’d agree that there’s nothing sexier than a man who feels the pull of the sea and his girl in equal measures. But how to find me one…? That’s the question.

    Your life sounds idyllic.

    D x

  3. The T says:

    I’m easy to find…come to St Thomas USVI….there aren’t that many white people here… you can show most of the locals my picture since we are a tight community….or just come for a long weekend and let a fella know when to pick you up at the airport….

    See…flexible and inviting… =)


  4. You know what I need in my life right now? More fecking pirates. Yes. That’ll sort me. A very kind offer though…

    D x

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s